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Originally uploaded by amelie522

This picture was taken while we were at my parent’s house in Washington state. The little dude was talking about the pool being ready when he got there, and he started making us aware of this desire exactly 34534 months before we left. As soon as we got back to the house from the airport, the pool was ready. It was already filled with water, so the sun had warmed it’s frigid temperature (because it’s Washington for goodness sake, and did you know the hose water is always freakin’ freezing?)

And of course, Pop got right in there with him. And they played for hours. That’s why we love Nana and Pop…they are the kind of grandparents that would do anything for their grandkids. Even if it means turning blue and having to wear clothing while playing in a mini pool that barely fits their legs.

Papa and I drove to Oregon from the parent’s house so that he could take the Oregon state bar. He doesn’t need to pass it in order to be hired for any of the jobs he’s applying for, but he would like to pass and be done with it. I had 5 days in Portland, my favorite place in the universe. Papa had to study and take the test, so 3 days of the trip, I was alone in my favorite place in the universe. I shopped…and then I shopped…got a bubble tea, shopped….went to Powell’s and wandered the book-filled aisles for hours….and shopped. Oh yeah, and I ate some amazing vegan food that made my heart sing.

I realized something while in Portland that I didn’t really know was a part of my psyche: I’m kind of regretting waiting so long to have baby #2. Now, I wasn’t really “ready” to have another one until we started trying and succeeded in conceiving this little man. But I see so many young families, with lots of little people, and I feel a sadness tug at me. And if I’m going to be honest….a little bit of envy. Is that awful? I mean, it’s not like the green-monster-of-jealousy kind of envy, where it infiltrates my thoughts and causes me emotional turmoil. But it’s definitely there.

Did I wait too long?

Henry is so happy to be getting a sibling, and for that I am thankful. Maybe if I would’ve started earlier, he wouldn’t have been as receptive to the idea. But a part of me wishes I had more. Wishes that I wasn’t going to be 30 next May and only just having my second baby. I feel like families are being grown so much earlier in life now. And I feel like by 30, if you want a big family like we do, most people already have 3 children under their belt. But then I say that and realize, I AM NOT one of those people to have children based on the theory that I “just want to get it over with”. Not that there’s anything wrong with that (I love you all, my dear readers).

I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to take this newly acquired information about myself and use it appropriately. Use it to grow as a mother, as an individual, as a woman. So what did I really learn about myself?

I want lots of babies. If the Lord gives us them.

I want as many as He will bless us with. I never EVER thought that would be me. It’s funny how life changes, especially when you find someone you love more than any words in the English language could describe. My sweet papa has changed my world, my beliefs, my everything. My being is different because he and I found one another, because we love one another with an intensity that is electric and passionate and real….and all-encompassing.

Happy final days of summer, everybody.