30
I haz it.
Bad.
Yes, I’m aware of the fact that I already have a baby. But we want lots more kids, and the thought of being pregnant into my forties just doesn’t sound appealing. I know plenty of women do it, and that’s fantastic, but I cannot count myself among their ranks. I already feel like a seventy-year old woman, what with my hemorrhoids, arthritic texting wrist, and bum knee.
I also want the rest of our clan to be a lot closer together in age. I waited a very long time to get pregnant again. Now, I’m regretting that decision. The boys get along famously, and Henry is a better big brother than I could have ever fathomed. But seeing other people that have lots of little ones running around together? It makes me so sad that I didn’t give that experience to Henry.
So, you’re probably thinking, “well, if you want another kid, get pregnant you whiny sad sack.”. If only I could! See, I’m not one of the lucky ones that can breastfeed their baby for three years but get their period back at only six weeks postpartum (never in my life did I think I’d find myself WANTING my period to show up). And you know what else makes me feel like the unluckiest person ever (no, not the hemorrhoids)? Every single mama I know that blogs, or uses Instagram, or passes me randomly on the street, got pregnant while nursing their current baby, without ever having their period return. Oh, and they’ve got a six-month old on their hip while they’re telling me how they’re so excited to be pregnant again. And four more kids at home all under the age of five. WHY CAN’T THAT BE ME??I’m wise enough to know that if our family is meant to add another babe to the brood now, it will happen. We know that we want at least five, maybe six. Maybe enough to have our own soccer team. If that takes us longer than I’d like, then so be it. Ezra is such a gigantic blessing, and if for some reason unbeknownst to me he needs more time to be the baby of the house, who am I to try and alter the course this ship is headed in? I mean, look at that sweet boy:
But I can’t lie: it hurts every single time yet another mama with a baby Ezra’s age announces she’s baking another one. So if you’re the next to tell me, know that I’ll literally be green with envy, but excited for you all the same. If I say something like, “already? Geez, didn’t you just have one?” it’s just my pain talking to you. If I punch you directly in the jaw, that’s just my pain talking, too. Okay, I won’t punch you, but I may kick you as you walk away.
I kind of know how you feel. I am desperate to have another baby next year. I hope it works out for both of us.
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amelie522 Reply:
September 18th, 2011 at 3:56 pm
@Jenn, you will have another baby next year, sweet mama! i have no doubt you’ll be pregnant again. you are an incredible mother.
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The timing of me reading this is kind of crazy…I JUST told Doug at dinner that my baby clock has started ticking. xoxo J
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amelie522 Reply:
September 18th, 2011 at 3:55 pm
@Jenna, hahaha! see?! you and i are cosmically linked, my friend. love you, lady. can’t wait to see you again.
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Jenna Reply:
September 19th, 2011 at 10:17 pm
@amelie522, I totally agree. Love you!
Jenna´s last [type] ..New Tunes!
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I felt this exact way after my first. My body doesn’t cycle for a year after my kids are born and I actually weaned Em at 13 months b/c I was dying to get pregnant again. Then after my second I realized my body just takes a year to get things moving again. I wanted my kids even closer, but that wasn’t the plan. It’s hard to be patient. So hard! I hope you find grace and peace in the wait. I also hope that you find yourself preggo before you know it!
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amelie522 Reply:
September 18th, 2011 at 3:55 pm
@Christa, thank you so very much! i appreciate you sharing your story so much, because it gives me hope in the meantime! i believe my body takes about a year to get back into the groove again as well. thank you for coming by, and for commenting! xoxo
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christa Reply:
September 20th, 2011 at 11:04 am
@amelie522,
You are so welcome! It’s always comforting to hear from others who have been in the same place. I’m learning to enjoy my year of no cycles and all that comes with it, but at first I hated it. Can you believe hating not having periods?! Yeah, you probably can.
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amelie522 Reply:
September 20th, 2011 at 8:28 pm
@christa, I know! It is absolutely wacky to me, wanting to get my period! But I’m trying to enjoy it, just like you are. Your wisdom was definitely needed and I’m so thankful for it!
you’re funny. enjoy that baby (i know you do)! that’s the great thing about breastfeeding and child spacing, there is a space. don’t fret, and don’t be fooled by filtered instagram pics, their lives are just as crazy as you and i. i don’t get my cycle back until the child is almost 2! and then i get pregnant on the first one. i think we are done now. i think.
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amelie522 Reply:
September 18th, 2011 at 3:59 pm
@Amanda, i love you. you are so right. i think i get fooled a lot by people with kids that are only 11 months apart, these pictures that depict their life like it’s all rainbows and butterflies. maybe for us, that’s not best for our kids and our family as whole. it IS such a blessing to have nautural child spacing with breastfeeding. you are my sensei, my guru. thanks again for everything you do, you’re a REAL friend, amanda. xoxox
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I was right there with ya! Hang in there!
lots of baby dust!!
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amelie522 Reply:
September 18th, 2011 at 3:59 pm
@tara, thank you SO MUCH! i definitely appreciate any and all dust being sent my way! thank you for coming by and commenting!
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Oh I get it! You know, after we had gray we tried right away because Noah & Carter are so close, but we just couldn’t get pregnant. Eventually we did a couple years later and had our Ivy! I don’t know why the spacing works out like it does, and I pray you get your heart’s desire!
Steph
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amelie522 Reply:
September 18th, 2011 at 3:53 pm
@Adventures In Babywearing, thank you so much, steph! i would just love to see what it’s like to have two close in age, because henry and ezra are SO far apart. but His plan may not be the same as mine, and i need to trust in that. it just stinks when your heart’s desire is different from what the big guy upstairs wants for you
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Praying that you get surprised! You have such a beautiful love for your babies!
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amelie522 Reply:
September 18th, 2011 at 3:52 pm
@Madeline, thank you so much, my beautiful friend. you are so wonderful. i am so blessed to have you as a friend.
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you are amazing mama!! i seriously respect women who know they want a whole litterful
we are just taking it one at a time, but i hear you… i’m definitely gettin the fever!
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amelie522 Reply:
September 18th, 2011 at 3:52 pm
@amy@agoodlife, see, i had NO IDEA i wanted a litterful until we had a second! isn’t that crazy?! YOU are an amazing mama, and i hope you have lots of beautiful babies…if you want to! because you make gorgeous humans and you are an incredible mother
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I’ve only just found your blog, but I couldn’t agree more and had to comment! We have a 20 month old daughter and just had a miscarriage
At the same time, it seems like all my friends and blog friends are announcing their babies who will be born when we would have been due. Sucks severely 
I wish you lots of baby luck xx
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amelie522 Reply:
September 18th, 2011 at 4:01 pm
@Jo, i am so sorry. i wish i had something to say that would make you feel better, but i’m wise enough to know that i don’t. sending you lots of peace and lots of luck in conceiving again. i hope you’re pregnant again in no time, if that’s what you want! sending much love your way
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And here I was, mad at my period for showing up a mere 4 month after I had Thomas. You know, four years ago! I in no way wanted little ones spaced closely together, but I so feel your baby fever. I am really ready to figure out when our next one will come and my husband isn’t ready. And that’s okay, we’ll get there – we definitely want another awesome kid. I love reading different perspectives and will hope that when the time is right, it will happen for you!
Sam´s last [type] ..preschool days, early nights
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amelie522 Reply:
September 20th, 2011 at 8:30 pm
@Sam, isn’t it crazy how the grass IS always greener?! Thank you so much for reading and commenting! I hope that when you and the hubs are in sync, that little babe will be conceived immediately! I’m trying to learn to enjoy this periodless time, and how awesome it is that I’ve got such an avid little nursling. So you and I can have the fever together!
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I totally get it, my friend! I was just telling someone today that I have yet to get my period back after a year and she was all, “You’re so lucky!” and I had to sigh. I get that reaction or the one where everyone just shrugs and says, “It’s still possible to get pregnant while breastfeeding and without a period, y’know.” Oh really? THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR WISDOM.
I’m fully believe we will both with blessed with little ones again and soon, but God’s plan is the best one. All good things in good time! I’m praying you are able to conceive soon and you get halfway to your soccer team before you know it! xoxo
Amy Burton´s last [type] ..Wait…what?
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amelie522 Reply:
September 29th, 2011 at 8:11 pm
@Amy Burton, you are absolutely right, my wise friend! thank you for always being the voice of reason for me. i love ya, lady.
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I’m feeling it too, love. I really am. I would love to have a third the same age apart as Ronan and Ruby are, but that means trying to get pregnant in January… and our living situation is NOT conducive to another child. :/
So I will be waiting. Longer than I’d like to be. But it will happen again. Maybe we’ll be lucky enough to get pregnant at the same time.
Mandy´s last [type] ..Thank You!
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amelie522 Reply:
October 11th, 2011 at 11:03 am
@Mandy, yes! look at it as more time to enjoy this new nursing relationship with ruby. because it is so beautiful to see! love to you
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I have gotten pregnant while breastfeeding… Several months after getting my period back. With Sarah (who will be 4 in January) I got my period back at 4 months while (following all the rules of LAM) when I stopped pumping for my friend’s severly allergic adopted baby. I stopped pumping due to excess lipase – I was shipping my milk to Arizona and it just wasn’t worth it to go through all the trouble of scalding it, etc. Going from essentially EBF 2 babies to 1 triggered my period. We started half heartfelt TTC. It wasn’t until I night weaned her at 19 months that I got pregnant – the very next cycle. We lost our son to thrombophilia just shy of 18 weeks but I nursed through his pregnancy and didn’t wean until 2 months after he was born (rarely in those last couple of months). We would have continued nursing but my milk failed to come in, probably from retained placenta issues. I had planned to tandem nurse them which is why I continued nursing her after I lost my supply due to pregnancy.
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Wow! As David and Exra are (EX-FREAKING-ZACTLY) the same age, I can’t say I share your baby fever. Mine are 26 months apart … and I think that if we decide to have more (which I think we will), I want to wait a little bit longer. Having Libbie not potty trained and still very needy when David arrived was super hard for me. I resented her neediness. I struggle a lot with depression, and having two kids clinging to me all the time, screaming at me, just tends to send me off the cliff.
I DO think it will be wonderful in the long run. I am not quite to where I can see that light yet, though. And admittedly, I am only 29. So even if we have two more or so, I tend to feel like I have time.
But I also feel your nursing pain. I still haven’t gotten my period back, and didn’t with Libbie until I stopped nursing.
Will be praying for you, sweet girl. Give your kiddos kisses for me!
Vanderbilt Wife´s last [type] ..Two Babies
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amelie522 Reply:
November 9th, 2011 at 9:53 pm
@Vanderbilt Wife, the Lord must’ve brought you here to share that with me, my dear. I need to hear that I wasn’t crazy for waiting so long to have Ezra. I feel like I missed out on something special for Henry, waiting so long to give him a sibling. I turned 30 in May, and for some reason, I feel like my clock is ticking so loudly! Anyway, I’m so glad you left this comment because it helps me to be thankful for the gifts God has given me to enjoy right now, and it reminds me that the grass isn’t always greener. Thank you so much for your love and prayers! Praying for you, too, sweet friend. I hope that you see that light soon, and give YOUR precious babes kisses from me! xoxoxox
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